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I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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