I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
