Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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