he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
no. you can't hotbox the world.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
