barbara walters just said penis...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
