My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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