my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
