I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
