And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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