I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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