Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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