I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
