i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
