i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
