woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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