it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we're so committed to being not committed
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
