He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I believe in your delicious
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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