One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
