Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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