4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
