Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
