another moral hangover. fuck.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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