I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
