im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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