every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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