An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
