I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
