at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
