My pussy is not your playground.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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