I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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