Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My balls are so social today.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
