These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
