I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
