The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
