morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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