Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
