It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
