Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
do herpes really smell.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
