do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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