I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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