how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
