I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
