I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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