who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
