I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
