lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Mom said you looked used
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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