you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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