So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
