ugly people sure do ruin things
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
