I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
