I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
