Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He did a backflip because drugs
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